Kevin Nealon Tweetstream

Status :Apple is coming out with a new product. It's between an iPod and an iPad and will be called an iTaint.
Created at : 09/09/10 7:19 PM

Status :In the green room at Jimmy Kimmel Live waiting to go on. Soon...very soon. http://yfrog.com/0qvylj
Created at : 09/08/10 9:26 PM

Status :How bout the re-release of '9 to 5' with an additional 9 extra minutes, called '9 to 5:09.' All Dolly's movies should be 3-D!
Created at : 09/06/10 9:57 PM

Status :I'd like to get a dog but I can't find one that looks like me.
Created at : 09/05/10 2:10 PM

Status :Schimmel! I just heard what happened. You were a true original. I'll miss you.
Created at : 09/04/10 9:18 PM

Status :Tomorrow I leave for Iran to remove all their stones. Once I have accomplished this stonings will be impossible. You're welcome whores.
Created at : 09/04/10 9:05 PM

Status :Hypochondriac Thought of the Day: Hold on now, was that the sweet, autumnal smell of oak logs burning in a fireplace or...was that flesh?
Created at : 09/04/10 6:31 PM

Status :Happy 5th Anniversary to my beautiful wife, @sukiyeagley!
Created at : 09/03/10 5:26 PM

Status :If they leave room for cream in my Vente Decaf then it becomes a Grande Decaf. Nice try Starbucks!
Created at : 09/03/10 5:21 PM

Status :Manifesto writing paper should not be sold.
Created at : 09/02/10 11:14 AM

Status :Who needs politicians? California could run itself with all the self-help books.
Created at : 09/02/10 9:04 AM

Status :Hypochondriac Thought for the Day: did I read that expiration date on the cottage cheese upside down???
Created at : 08/31/10 2:40 PM

Status :Great opportunity to see the hilarious Russell Peters (@therealrussellp) and myself tonight @7pm. Comedy & Magic Club. Hermosa Beach, Ca.
Created at : 08/29/10 4:34 PM

Status :Giving your husband the silent treatment is more gift than punishment. (via @kellyoxford)
Created at : 08/28/10 8:17 PM

Status :The higher the heel the worse the childhood. (via @WhitneyCummings)
Created at : 08/28/10 8:16 PM

Status :Hypochondriac Thought for the Day: Is that sweat dripping down the back of my leg...or blood?
Created at : 08/28/10 3:25 PM

Status :Lohan in, Lohan out, Lohan in, Lohan out, Lohan in, Lohan out, Lohan in, Lohan out, Lohan in, Lohan out, Lohan in, Lohan out, Lohan in,...
Created at : 08/25/10 8:10 PM

Status :I don't believe anything a magician says...onstage or off.
Created at : 08/24/10 6:44 PM

Status :I think we can safely rule out any guy with hair highlights to be a terrorist. Too much work to turn around and blow himself up.
Created at : 08/24/10 1:57 PM

Status :Hahaa! Yes, you're all right, I meant the 'pot' thickens. Oh, and Doug Wilson will return soon. Wait for it...wait for it.
Created at : 08/23/10 8:51 PM

Status :Weeds - Episode 2. Tonight. Showtime. The plot thickens.
Created at : 08/23/10 8:34 PM

Status :At this point Blagojevich might as well throw his name in the hat as a possible candidate for president of Haiti.
Created at : 08/22/10 8:32 PM

Status :Just think of all the millions and millions of people Dr Laura will help by being off the air.
Created at : 08/18/10 11:27 PM

Status :Season 6, Weeds...tomorrow.
Created at : 08/15/10 10:39 PM

Status :Thanks Philly! You guys laughed in all the right places. Great comedy town!!
Created at : 08/15/10 8:39 AM

Status :Just realized this is one of my favorite episodes tonight of Glenn Martin DDS on Nick at Nite at 10:30. @glennmartindds
Created at : 08/13/10 9:18 PM

Status :My name is Kevin Nealon but I play Glenn Martin DDS tonight on Nick at Nite, 10:30. Can you guess who plays my wife?
Created at : 08/13/10 5:12 PM

Status :Instead of BP paying huge fines couldn't they just fill us all up for free for the next ten years?
Created at : 08/13/10 1:31 PM

Status :If you happen to be in Philly and would like some amusement I will be doing stand-up at The Helium Comedy Club. 8/12 thru 8/14
Created at : 08/12/10 1:57 PM

Status :It's not too late! Comedy & Magic Club, Hermosa, Ca. - Louie Anderson, Kevin Pollack, Carol Liefer 8/11. For tixs: FriendsofBigJoe.com
Created at : 08/11/10 7:20 PM

Status :Rare L.A. appearance for Louie Anderson & Kevin Pollack. This Wed. 8/11 Comedy & Magic Club. Hermosa, Ca. For tixs: FriendsofBigJoe.com
Created at : 08/10/10 1:18 AM

Status :Plse come if you can: Comedy & Magic Club, Hermosa, Ca. - Louie Anderson & Kevin Pollack. Hilarious! 8/11. For tixs: FriendsofBigJoe.com
Created at : 08/09/10 3:08 AM

Status :Why is it that the samples on the toothpick at the store always taste better than when you get it out of the box at home?
Created at : 08/08/10 12:59 PM

Status :Plse come if you can: Comedy & Magic Club, Hermosa, Ca. - Louie Anderson & Kevin Pollack. Hilarious! 8/11. For tixs: FriendsofBigJoe.com
Created at : 08/07/10 11:57 PM

Status :Oh snap! Now BP can't stop the cement from coming out of the truck!
Created at : 08/06/10 12:52 PM

Status :BP has finally cemented the hole shut. At least we know where there is oil now...and apparently an endless supply!
Created at : 08/06/10 2:28 AM

Status :Wyclef Jean also announces he will be watching Glenn Martin DDS tonight @ 10:30 on Nick at Nite. Crazy? Right?
Created at : 08/06/10 2:20 AM

Status :I'm confused. Was the winner of the architectural design to replace the twin towers a mosque? #groundzero
Created at : 08/04/10 2:00 AM

Status :Can you come? The Comedy & Magic Club in Hermosa Beach, Ca. tomorrow. Brad Garrett, Bob Saget and me! Benefiting FriendsOfBigJoe.com
Created at : 08/02/10 7:14 PM

Status :It would be pathetic if your own reality show was canceled. In other words your life isn't interesting.
Created at : 07/31/10 8:57 PM

Status :Glenn Martin DDS tonight on Nick @ Night, and Im in it! 10:30. Time to be a hero. Or die trying. http://ow.ly/i/2Vv4 (via @glennmartindds)
Created at : 07/30/10 5:00 PM

Status :I'm doing stand up at The Ice House in Pasadena, Ca tomorrow, Sat. 9 & 11pm. Who's on board? Great club! See you there.
Created at : 07/23/10 10:40 PM

Status :Had fun with @Sukiyeagley and @Andymilder on the @Gregfitzshow on Howard 101 last night!
Created at : 07/20/10 6:06 PM

Status :BP has successfully placed a containment cap on Mel Gibson although there have been reports of some n-word seepage.
Created at : 07/19/10 8:26 AM

Status :Donating our pool skimmer to the clean up efforts in the Gulf.
Created at : 07/17/10 10:45 AM

Status :Awesome Rascal Flatts concert and great seats! http://yfrog.com/506eddj
Created at : 07/16/10 11:16 PM

Status :Rascal Flatts concert about to start here in Lake Tahoe. I am so gonna be dancing up by the stage!
Created at : 07/16/10 10:53 PM

Status :If you're like me...a bowl of popcorn, raisinettes and spaghetti all mixed together tonight for Glenn Martin DDS. 10:30pm - Nick at Nite.
Created at : 07/16/10 2:50 PM

Status :Once again a security breach in Washington DC. How did that earthquake get in?
Created at : 07/16/10 9:14 AM

Status :Great guesses but it is actually Genoa. Oldest town in NV. http://yfrog.com/5oc9lsj
Created at : 07/14/10 11:55 AM

Status :Guess where I was today? http://yfrog.com/17wlmyj
Created at : 07/14/10 12:14 AM

Status :Lohan in,...Polanski out.
Created at : 07/12/10 9:32 AM

Status :No joke...please sign this petition to stop the stoning of that woman in that country. http://www.freesakineh.org./
Created at : 07/10/10 6:21 PM

Status :No fireworks for me tomorrow. Too much hassle. I find I can get the same effect by just closing my eyes and rubbing them really hard.
Created at : 07/03/10 9:55 PM

Status :The boys and I take a break on the set of Weeds right now. Justin and I refuse to get an iPad. http://yfrog.com/0npvvoj
Created at : 07/02/10 7:56 PM

Status :My DVR is set to record Glenn Martin DDS tonight @ 10:30 on Nick at Nite. I love hearing Catherine O'Hara's voice next to mine.
Created at : 07/02/10 7:46 PM

Status :3-D TV? Really? Great, now I'll be looking for the remote AND the 3-D glasses!
Created at : 07/01/10 12:02 PM

Status :@steveagee: You got it wrong. bro. You're suppose to bring THEM a joint. How d'ya think I got the part?
Created at : 06/30/10 11:50 PM

Status :I've grown tired of firework displays. China, please come up with something else for our country.
Created at : 06/27/10 11:17 AM

Status :@sukiyeagley could have her very own show on The Oprah Network!?! You likey, you votey! Susan Yeagley
Created at : 06/25/10 10:17 AM

Status :Please go here and vote! Susan's Audition: The Sparkle List - OWN TV http://bit.ly/bN5hKR
Created at : 06/25/10 10:14 AM

Status :Hello, New Orleans! Let the blues and humidity begin!!
Created at : 06/24/10 6:17 PM

Status :And you thought you were a hypochondriac?www.sfgate.com/beyondthecomics/
Created at : 06/24/10 1:13 PM

Status :Have you guys seen Glenn Martin DDS yet? If I know you and I probably don't you would love it! Follow the show on @glennmartindds!
Created at : 06/22/10 3:47 PM

Status :Sorry, for Beyond The Comics try this site. www.idahostatesman.com/beyond-the-comics Its the future!
Created at : 06/22/10 7:28 AM

Status :Surgery yesterday to repair torn bicep muscle. Hopefully Weeds writers can explain Doug's sling for rest of Season 6. I have some ideas.
Created at : 06/22/10 7:04 AM

Status :@BradPaisley : so British looking. Is he holding a cup of tea below frame? Do bring one back for me, love.
Created at : 06/22/10 5:24 AM

Status :Excited to be a part of this new comic strip!! Ok, you can check it out. Everyday for next five days. www.sfgate.com/beyondthecomics
Created at : 06/21/10 11:49 AM

Status :Happy Father's Day and you know who you are.
Created at : 06/20/10 8:54 PM

Status :My favorite three stooges! Weeds...coming soon to a plasma screen near you. http://yfrog.com/3oflhwj
Created at : 06/17/10 11:58 PM

Status :Most pot dealers haven't visited the Little House on the Prairie. Weeds Premieres Aug 16. http://yfrog.com/j21fjj
Created at : 06/16/10 5:32 PM

Status :Getting to the point now where we should just try to get the water out of the oil.
Created at : 06/16/10 12:27 AM

Status :I wonder if anyone on the USA Soccer Team speaks English?
Created at : 06/14/10 10:29 AM

Status :Bad Dentist, Funny Show. Glenn Martin DDS, Season Premiere tonight on Nick at Nite. Me and Catherine O'Hara. You watch, you like.
Created at : 06/11/10 6:52 PM

Status :Not a good dentist! Glenn Martin DDS, 2nd Season Premiere tonight on Nick at Nite. Yes, it's me and Catherine O'Hare.
Created at : 06/11/10 3:33 PM

Status :You may recognize my voice as Glenn Martin DDS. Premieres June 11th on Nick at Nite. Edgy, irreverent, fun! Guest star: Bret Michaels!
Created at : 06/08/10 7:41 AM

Status :I would prefer to have weekends in the middle of the week. That's when I could use the break.
Created at : 06/05/10 3:25 PM

Status :Most snakes know who their predators are. Weeds Yr. 6 Tease. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VU7autny1Mc http://yfrog.com/6beqyrj
Created at : 06/04/10 12:09 PM

Status :Some mothers keep their dirty laundry in a hamper. Check out Youtube, Weeds Season 6 Tease.
Created at : 06/03/10 2:16 PM

Status :Just a thought, but how bout just dying the oil blue? Problem solved. No more unsightly mess. You're welcome.
Created at : 06/03/10 10:17 AM

Status :I hear the slime in the gulf just hired Gloria Allred to defend its fish killing. They have chemistry. #bpcares. (via @ElayneBoosler)
Created at : 05/31/10 9:14 AM

Status :Remembering and thanking our soldiers and their families today and everyday.
Created at : 05/31/10 9:10 AM

Status :Why would anyone buy anything less than 'Extra Strength?' Do you want all of your headache gone or just a little?
Created at : 05/28/10 11:13 AM

Status :Most accountants don't dig this deep into your past records. Weeds/Season 6, premieres Aug 16th http://yfrog.com/9go41qj
Created at : 05/25/10 8:17 PM

Status :Most mothers hang children's drawings and pics on their refrigerator. Weeds, Season 6, Premieres Aug 16th. http://yfrog.com/3r46lj
Created at : 05/24/10 6:05 PM

Status :Congrats! The correct answer: Vegas/Hard Rock Hotel/ 9th Fl. http://yfrog.com/jpbv6j
Created at : 05/24/10 11:28 AM

Status :Guess where I am? On stage in 5 min. http://yfrog.com/5gi5voj
Created at : 05/23/10 10:56 PM

Status :Big Horn Sheep are determined to be very dangerous but not as dangerous as Big Horney Sheep.
Created at : 05/21/10 10:54 AM

Status :Doug Wilson enjoying his company on the set of Weeds today. http://yfrog.com/euoseoj
Created at : 05/19/10 8:35 PM

Status :Soon everything will be Cirque du Soleil.
Created at : 05/16/10 10:36 PM

Status :Any apartment complex, not in Hawaii, called Hawaiian Gardens equals crap.
Created at : 05/15/10 2:49 PM

Status :Our pilot as we landed after a bumpy flight back from Hawaii; "Once again, science and technology overcomes fear and anxiety."
Created at : 05/15/10 1:57 AM

Status :Found a long pubic hair in my food today. What's more disgusting is...it was growing from my arm.
Created at : 05/13/10 8:39 PM

Status :A photographer with a ladder = paparazzi. http://yfrog.com/3otckij
Created at : 05/13/10 1:16 AM

Status :I met the singer, Meatloaf, this week. I liked him a lot better the second day.
Created at : 05/10/10 9:10 PM

Status :In Hawaii on Mother's Day or as they call it here, Kookoomamamama Day.
Created at : 05/09/10 7:07 PM

Status :To avoid tar balls I may have to put a containment dome over all the fun I'm having in Hawaii.
Created at : 05/08/10 6:40 PM

Status :Text "REDCROSS" to 90999 to donate $10 to disaster relief or go to www.nashvilleredcross.org. (via @ChandaTeas)
Created at : 05/06/10 10:09 AM

Status :Luckily, in Nashville, I got friends in high places.
Created at : 05/05/10 7:04 PM

Status :I bet Sponge Bob could help soak up some of that oil spill in the Gulf.
Created at : 05/03/10 10:10 PM