Al Yankovic Tweetstream

Status :But... Sunday's my laundry day! http://t.co/BapDlSB0
Created at : 02/04/12 7:04 PM

Status :Just finished writing my 2nd children's book. It'll be in stores in about two years. Get in line now!
Created at : 02/04/12 10:38 AM

Status :Kids! Remember to leave a ground hog under your pillow tonight, so you can see what the ground hog fairy brings you!
Created at : 02/02/12 3:47 PM

Status :Dixie Riddle Cups were the Twitter of 1973.
Created at : 01/31/12 5:46 PM

Status :Sorry, but I still can’t get over it. Unobtanium??? #NeverFallInLoveWithYourFirstDraft
Created at : 01/30/12 2:21 PM

Status :What's YOUR favorite tobacco drink? Mine's a nicotini! http://t.co/BmiGkFoy
Created at : 01/29/12 11:56 AM

Status :“It’s hard to pick a candidate to vote for – they’re just all so wonderful!” – I’m guessing no one, in any election, ever
Created at : 01/28/12 1:23 PM

Status :Turns out this 1999 clip has TWO Oscar nominees: Octavia Spencer and Melissa McCarthy. They finally got the AL-TV bump! http://t.co/Mqdc4EFQ
Created at : 01/27/12 3:31 PM

Status :Congrats to Oscar-nominee @octaviaspencer! You can see her doing some of her all-time best work here at 2:15: http://t.co/Mqdc4EFQ
Created at : 01/27/12 12:55 PM

Status :Hmmm... get my diamond-studded Vaseline jar refilled, or just toss it and get a new one? #TweetsFromTheOnePercent http://t.co/H4uI7zNw
Created at : 01/26/12 5:08 PM

Status :People love walking on flat surfaces so much they will walk up a flight of stairs to do it. #WhatIRememberFrom4YearsOfArchitectureSchool
Created at : 01/25/12 3:17 PM

Status :I'm astonished by some of these Oscar snubs. Really? No love for Chipwrecked???
Created at : 01/24/12 2:23 PM

Status :It's Sandwich Monday, kids! http://t.co/0dPMft9w
Created at : 01/23/12 3:05 PM

Status :Paul's First Blog Post to the Corinthians #UpdatedNewTestament
Created at : 01/21/12 12:59 PM

Status :Why aren't they asking the important questions in these debates? I need to know where the candidates stand on arugula.
Created at : 01/20/12 4:26 PM

Status :COREY HART!!! #WhatItSoundsLikeWhenIVomit
Created at : 01/20/12 2:50 PM

Status :If I had a pet crab, I would totally name him Thomas Pynchon.
Created at : 01/19/12 10:44 AM

Status :If you eliminate the possibility of social interaction with other people based purely on random criteria, I don’t even want to know you.
Created at : 01/18/12 10:05 AM

Status :AHHH! OH GOD I’M DYING! NOOO!!! I—oh, wait, I had a beet salad last night.
Created at : 01/17/12 10:55 AM

Status :Oh, thank goodness. Now I don’t have to use that pork floss anymore. http://t.co/DNlJsezo
Created at : 01/16/12 1:31 PM

Status :Decided to do my Valentine’s Day shopping early this year. http://t.co/bUDxd2XS
Created at : 01/15/12 11:08 AM

Status :Our family hiking motto: Take Only Memories, Leave Only Corpses
Created at : 01/14/12 10:13 AM

Status :Yeah. DOG toys. http://t.co/C3n2xqYd
Created at : 01/13/12 11:02 AM

Status :Finally decided what I’m wearing to the Grammys. http://t.co/AZvNEFQR
Created at : 01/12/12 10:57 AM

Status :"Mortality! ACK!!" -- Cathy, on her death bed
Created at : 01/11/12 2:56 PM

Status :Nothing in the world makes you feel as worthless and insignificant as not finding your name at a souvenir license plate stand.
Created at : 01/10/12 10:20 AM

Status :I’m thinking about opening a karate school for vagrant clowns. #HoboBozoDojo
Created at : 01/09/12 10:07 AM

Status :Thanks, HuffPo, for always filling me in on who’s being ATTACKED, SLAMMED, RIPPED, BASHED or BLASTED by whom. #TheMoreYouKnow
Created at : 01/08/12 8:48 PM

Status :If the guy at Hertz Rent-a-Car asks if you want a Hertz donut, SAY NO.
Created at : 01/08/12 11:55 AM

Status :I’m usually the one who winds up having to ask everybody’s weight to make sure the elevator’s carrying a permissible load.
Created at : 01/07/12 11:44 AM

Status :DVR Alert! My episode of “Behind the Music Remastered” airs tomorrow night (Saturday) on VH1 Classic.
Created at : 01/06/12 10:23 AM

Status :“Hey, come on, @IamDonCheadle, I would be GREAT in Ocean’s 14!” #HouseOfLiesPremiere http://t.co/kuCb1JAD
Created at : 01/05/12 7:00 PM

Status :Look, buddy, this does NOT BELONG to you, okay?? http://t.co/Pyjdclvc
Created at : 01/05/12 12:21 PM

Status :I can't believe Target already has their Christmas decorations up.
Created at : 01/04/12 10:08 AM

Status :New Year’s Resolution #12: Try to cut down on my vices (sugar, hunting humans for sport, etc.)
Created at : 01/03/12 3:01 PM

Status :Every New Year’s Eve for the rest of my life is gonna suck. http://t.co/f1iN7wBQ
Created at : 01/02/12 12:54 PM

Status :Teenage Me and Present-Day Me were both insanely happy to spend New Year’s Eve with these guys. http://t.co/lqvdvaWD
Created at : 01/02/12 12:25 PM

Status :Just checking - you DO know what "santorum" means, right? RT @RupertMurdoch Good to see santorum surging in Iowa.
Created at : 01/01/12 2:17 PM

Status :Don't go carryin' pictures of Chairman Mao. #YouSayYouWantAResolution
Created at : 01/01/12 12:14 PM

Status :Well... at least I'll be able to get ONE more year out of this stupid Mayan calendar.
Created at : 12/31/11 12:21 PM

Status :Everybody, please calm down. I am NOT divorcing Katy Perry.
Created at : 12/30/11 3:42 PM

Status :Out of all the days of 2011, today is definitely the penULTIMATE!!!
Created at : 12/30/11 10:44 AM

Status :Still learning how to make brownies. http://t.co/8gQhtQVE
Created at : 12/29/11 1:48 PM

Status :Does anybody know the expiration on whoop-ass? I opened a can last week and I’m not sure if it’s still good.
Created at : 12/28/11 1:02 PM

Status :So sad. I was hoping Sinead O'Connor's marriage would at least last a quarter Kardash.
Created at : 12/27/11 12:29 PM

Status :It's called BOXING DAY. #WarOnBoxingDay RT @FoxNews They call it 'Mega Monday' ... Will you be out on the last big shopping day of the year?
Created at : 12/26/11 2:30 PM

Status :As per usual, Boxing Day is either being marginalized or completely ignored by the lamestream media. #WarOnBoxingDay
Created at : 12/26/11 11:54 AM

Status :Best Christmas Ever. http://t.co/t5DbFf2i
Created at : 12/25/11 3:26 PM

Status :From my family to yours, a Happy Boxing Day Eve to one and all!
Created at : 12/25/11 11:26 AM

Status :Poor Man’s IMAX: just sit really close to the screen! #MoviegoingTips
Created at : 12/24/11 12:44 PM

Status :I personally know a lot of nerds, and I’ve NEVER seen one with tape on the bridge of their glasses. #NoteToHollywood
Created at : 12/23/11 2:31 PM

Status :To all the people who just "can't wait" to see the "Polka Face" video, good news - it's coming out 3 months ago! http://t.co/C21e91xv
Created at : 12/22/11 2:39 PM

Status :A couple behind-the-scenes pics from the “Polka Face” music video: http://t.co/yZlrMPHZ
Created at : 12/22/11 2:13 PM

Status :Freudian Frozen Food http://t.co/tmRwueL4
Created at : 12/21/11 12:42 PM

Status :One of Rene Magritte's lesser works: http://t.co/AP3XKxGf
Created at : 12/20/11 3:21 PM

Status :I certainly don’t wish him any harm, but if Abe Vigoda is ever gored to death by a wild rhinoceros, I’ve got a GREAT tweet for that.
Created at : 12/19/11 1:52 PM

Status :How fortuitous that a guy named Mr. Pineapple wound up with a job that involves the retail sale of pineapples. http://t.co/qt9nyFQF
Created at : 12/18/11 2:51 PM

Status :How could I possibly refuse THAT? http://t.co/hT9jf1CZ
Created at : 12/17/11 6:19 PM

Status :Weird Al Eats It #PredictYourOwnDeathHeadline
Created at : 12/16/11 8:52 AM

Status :Please welcome to twitter: children's book author, greeting card magnate and all-around cool person @SandyBoynton!
Created at : 12/15/11 8:40 PM

Status :I'm sorry, but I find this new ad campaign highly inappropriate. http://t.co/ypztnsHU
Created at : 12/15/11 2:23 PM

Status :I accidentally watched a few seconds of “Real Housewives of Beverly Hills.” #SilkwoodShower #StillNotClean
Created at : 12/13/11 1:56 PM

Status :I’ll know it’s time to go back on the road when I finally run out of those mini hotel soaps.
Created at : 12/12/11 1:04 PM

Status :I think televised golf would be more fun to watch if they had color commentary by that Hindenburg announcer guy.
Created at : 12/11/11 10:42 AM

Status :Decisions, decisions... http://t.co/jMaygEcq
Created at : 12/10/11 12:12 PM

Status :Time lapse video of a typical day on stage for my road crew: http://t.co/ke30TjeL
Created at : 12/09/11 12:31 PM

Status :Sure, my neighbors can leave their Christmas lights up all year, yet they complain about me setting off fireworks every night. Sheesh!
Created at : 12/08/11 10:01 AM

Status :FYI: http://t.co/iCGtt2SC RT @dx5600 what the hell are you talking about warhorse is a brilliant story
Created at : 12/07/11 12:47 PM

Status :Spielberg totally blew it - instead of War Horse, he should’ve just done Saving Private Ryan: The Squeakquel.
Created at : 12/07/11 11:40 AM

Status :It's Visit @ericstonestreet At Work Day!! http://t.co/fPHtdaAr
Created at : 12/06/11 12:21 PM

Status :The beeps that my microwave makes when the food is ready sound exactly like the beginning of “Like a Surgeon.” #PanasonicOwesMeRoyalties
Created at : 12/05/11 10:30 AM

Status :Just saw a screening of the movie Young Adult - @pattonoswalt is A-MA-ZING.
Created at : 12/05/11 1:17 AM

Status :Just saw a "For Your Consideration" Oscar ad for Green Lantern. HA! Best Picture? With Jack and Jill out this year??
Created at : 12/04/11 1:00 PM

Status :Attention, holiday shoppers! Only 3 deci-Kardashians left till Christmas!
Created at : 12/03/11 1:08 PM

Status :Thanks for the original artwork, @garfunkeloates! http://t.co/NVZFYMSO
Created at : 12/02/11 3:09 PM

Status :Wait a minute - I just noticed that I'm nominated TWICE - also for Best Short Form Music Video for "Perform This Way"... Holy Cow!!!!!
Created at : 11/30/11 10:04 PM

Status :Yay! Thrilled to announce that Alpocalypse just got a Grammy nomination for Best Comedy Album!
Created at : 11/30/11 9:54 PM

Status :Behold and tremble in the presence of the Mighty Hammer of Justice! http://t.co/IRxhIlP9
Created at : 11/30/11 11:16 AM

Status :I know it makes sense to alphabetize my DVD shelf, but it still seems wrong to have "Hotel Rwanda" right next to “Hot Tub Time Machine.”
Created at : 11/29/11 9:55 AM

Status :Move aside, Meryl Streep. I’m playing the part of Banana Man tonight on Cartoon Network’s “Adventure Time”!
Created at : 11/28/11 12:13 PM

Status :Just now realized that The Go-Go’s have a grammatically incorrect band name (unless they’re trying to imply that they belong to The Go-Go).
Created at : 11/27/11 11:12 AM

Status :It has been pointed out to me that my last tweet is uncomfortably similar to a superior joke by my friend @emophilips. My apologies, Emo.
Created at : 11/26/11 6:10 PM

Status :I swear, some days it’s just not even worth strapping on your studded leather codpiece.
Created at : 11/26/11 1:31 PM

Status :“Black Friday? More like PLAQUE Friday!” – my dentist, right before I beat him senseless.
Created at : 11/25/11 1:08 PM