John Cleese Tweetstream

Status :My dearest Twats, those of you residing in the US of A, can watch me in my latest starring role on NBC's Whitney tonight! Love you all...
Created at : 02/01/12 8:49 AM

Status :Staying at the Hyatt Hotel Perth. There's been noisy drilling next door for five days, and they refuse to stop. Not recommended!
Created at : 01/31/12 8:17 PM

Status :For those of you who liked my AA ditty here's an amusing hoax from them: @TheAA_news http://t.co/sUHjLpBa
Created at : 01/26/12 2:21 AM

Status :... And before you ask, I'm not dead... Just resting...
Created at : 01/24/12 8:33 PM

Status :My little darlings, am in Perth, with 8 shows to go, then to Adelaide. Here's a snap that @gazzalon took of me resting http://t.co/VEpS1gBx
Created at : 01/24/12 8:32 PM

Status :Now following the very funny @WhitneyCummings
Created at : 01/16/12 2:12 AM

Status :To all my darling twatters, Merry 30th December, and a Happy 3rd of January. Much love to you all, you gorgeous little ferreting ferrets.
Created at : 12/30/11 6:06 AM

Status :Just started reading a great new kid's fantasy novel called The Titan Prophesy by A.M Crawford. Love it!
Created at : 12/15/11 2:13 AM

Status :... actual rough figures last time we checked - Yoko Idle $13m, Michael Palin $1.1m, the others just under a million each...
Created at : 12/14/11 11:49 AM

Status :I see Yoko Idle's been moaning (again), about the royalties he had to pay the other Python's for Spamalot. Apparently he paid me "millions"
Created at : 12/14/11 11:46 AM

Status :Off to bed early - Breakfast TV in the morning, see you there!
Created at : 12/04/11 3:51 PM

Status :Nearly the end of another gruelling week of talking about myself. It's a good job that I'm so interesting...
Created at : 12/01/11 12:45 PM

Status :Garry kindly points out it wasn't a tear, just condensation on my eyes....
Created at : 11/24/11 12:23 PM

Status :A big thank you to you lovely little creatures for making my DVD zoom up the charts.... I have a tear in my eye at your support...
Created at : 11/24/11 7:30 AM

Status :Am skipping around singing wonderful Soviet folk songs in preparation for the One Show,tune in and whistle along. DVD is at No. 3 on Amazon!
Created at : 11/21/11 12:29 PM

Status :Darling Twatters, today's the day! My first stand-up DVD! I'm on the One Show tonight, so see you there. I love most of you very much.
Created at : 11/21/11 3:38 AM

Status :My little ferrets, I've had a lovely (but long) day talking all about myself, to some super radio people, as I count down to my DVD release!
Created at : 11/15/11 11:38 AM

Status :So glad that you lovely followers like the site! Don't forget there is a place to leave comments (sycophantic ones)....
Created at : 11/12/11 4:12 AM

Status :My darling Twats, not only are we 10 days from my first stand-up DVD, but I'm launching a new website www.johncleese.com parsnips for all!
Created at : 11/11/11 4:41 PM

Status :Thank You South Africa! http://t.co/uW7Cuq2K
Created at : 11/08/11 3:51 PM

Status :Some of you lovelies have asked about giving me a gift... You could vote for NSPCC, a charity that I support: http://t.co/q0SvpcLk
Created at : 10/27/11 1:32 PM

Status :My dearest, most darlingest, twaterers, Thank you for all your birthday wishes!!! 27 is such a lovely age to be. I love you all!..
Created at : 10/27/11 12:24 PM

Status :Dearest little twatters... Here's a pick @gazzalon took of me about to jump off the stage in Cape Town... http://t.co/SHU2eBnD
Created at : 10/22/11 2:39 PM

Status :I've had lots of messages from antipodean twitters... Yes, I'm coming to a theatre near you... See Adrian Bohm Presents for details!
Created at : 10/04/11 5:22 PM

Status :Wonderful news!! Apparently, you can pre-order the DVD of my one-man show, how lucky for you http://t.co/tCSyhji8 let me know if it works...
Created at : 10/03/11 7:38 AM

Status :My dearest Twats, am sharing a lovely photo (even if I say so myself), of me and Jenny that Garry took @gazzalon http://t.co/evJGlIqq
Created at : 10/01/11 3:25 PM

Status :...we were in The Footlights together...I think you'll recognize me in it... More news of my travels soon. I'm feeling very loving today...
Created at : 09/29/11 4:45 AM

Status :Tweeties, just reading a book (Are We Nearly There Yet) by Ben Hatch, the son of one of my dearest friends, David Hatch....
Created at : 09/29/11 4:43 AM

Status :well, I think they were fans. Here's a back stage video @gazzalon recorded of me... http://t.co/Bt7PAm3L
Created at : 09/28/11 10:10 AM

Status :Darlings, just back from Norway, where I helped 3 Norwegian comics entertain 7,000 fans...
Created at : 09/28/11 9:59 AM

Status :... I'll be back there in Jan 2012, for a lovely tour, do drop by, and wave.
Created at : 09/18/11 4:43 PM

Status :Dear flowery, favourite, followers - a lovely photo for you from recent trip to Oz... http://t.co/FYizYd6s
Created at : 09/18/11 4:42 PM

Status :My darling Twattering Twots, you find me up, but down under... Just so you know I'm alive....@gazzalon http://t.co/i2AEbPF
Created at : 08/31/11 3:23 AM

Status :He tried to stop Garry taking this one... @gazzalon http://t.co/n6shVeh
Created at : 08/09/11 10:16 AM

Status :Here's another shot Garry got of him... http://t.co/yy9Ltq9
Created at : 08/09/11 6:52 AM

Status :not content with snapping me he wrote down my address (no doubt to sell)... Does anyone recognise the guy? @gazzalon http://t.co/h4NrNzi
Created at : 08/09/11 6:50 AM

Status :Darling Twits, you can help me with a quick experiment... Some Paparazzo guy caught me this morning, followed me home...
Created at : 08/09/11 6:42 AM

Status :Garry tells me he's posted a lovely photo of me. He says you've all forgotten what I look like! As if... @gazzalon
Created at : 07/29/11 1:28 PM

Status :Oh, and by the way. I am now following that tiniest of Pythonic Welshmen @pythonjones
Created at : 07/16/11 8:52 AM

Status :You little darlings, all worrying about me, and why I've been so quiet... Have had a holiday! Will resume normal service soon...
Created at : 07/16/11 8:48 AM

Status :Dear loyal, loving, beautiful, Twittering Twats, tonight is the last night of the tour... Thank you for coming! We finish in the...
Created at : 07/02/11 12:48 PM

Status :5 more shows (all in Bath), and my alimony tour will be over, and what fun it's been.
Created at : 06/27/11 11:33 AM

Status :Posted by @gazzalon JC on stage in Bristol... http://t.co/h5fwLmM
Created at : 06/22/11 3:03 PM

Status :That lazy Garry @gazzalon has had another birthday, and wanted time off - time off from what? Anyway, a birthday kick to the shin sorted it.
Created at : 06/18/11 4:38 PM

Status :A great show in Oxford, what a fun audience. And then met up with lovely twatters, and forum members, so nice they came from all over!
Created at : 06/17/11 4:56 PM

Status :Have decided to follow my dear friend @MrMichaelWinner even if he was at my last wedding and didn't try and stop me...
Created at : 06/15/11 9:52 AM

Status :Heading back to London for a few days off... @gazzalon http://t.co/PwXM3ZL
Created at : 06/12/11 7:44 AM

Status :Due to popular demand, the dressing room has now been returned - minus the pineapple chunks...
Created at : 06/11/11 3:02 PM

Status :Here's a photo of the dressing room that Garry just took... @gazzalon http://t.co/oGsKkV7
Created at : 06/11/11 2:41 PM

Status :I spy with my little eye... @TomTom #BreakFree don't say I don't do nice things for you...
Created at : 06/09/11 5:54 AM

Status :... so do offer him support (or clip around the ear) at http://www.unbound.co.uk/books/1 now I must go and bring peace to the world, again.
Created at : 06/07/11 5:05 AM

Status :My darling Twatters, that tiniest of Pythons, Terry J, is publishing a book (yes, he can write), using a new and "exciting" on-line source..
Created at : 06/07/11 5:03 AM

Status :Dearest Twittering Twats Am North of the border. Must say what a lovely bunch the Glaswegian audience were. Will buy a sporran to celebrate.
Created at : 06/06/11 4:37 PM

Status :Parsnips.
Created at : 06/04/11 12:05 PM

Status :Having a lovely time in Leeds.... I must be mellowing...
Created at : 06/03/11 1:49 PM

Status :... it's Roar of the Greasepaint... at a great off West End theatre... now go to bed.
Created at : 06/01/11 6:00 PM

Status :I know it's late, where I am (and that's what matters), but was of a mind to tell you about a show Bréon's helping to produce @finborough
Created at : 06/01/11 5:59 PM

Status :http://twitvid.com/TMP8T - Here's a little ditty that Garry recorded me doing from the stage at the York theatre.... @gazzalon
Created at : 05/30/11 1:29 PM

Status :Darling twats, had a lovely time in York - such a wonderful theatre. Heading to Liverpool tomorrow...
Created at : 05/29/11 4:20 PM

Status :Had a birthday lunch for Breon Rydell in Manchester, and bumped into that lovely and funny @JimmyCarr, will follow him...
Created at : 05/29/11 6:57 AM

Status :Here's a photo from the stage of the lovely York theatre where I am amusing the locals tonight... @gazzalon http://t.co/NQrIAKP
Created at : 05/28/11 2:26 PM

Status :@gazzalon just posted photo of jC backstage... http://t.co/A4nxTfb
Created at : 05/26/11 1:41 PM

Status :While I'm working hard on stage, I've asked that lazy good for nothing Garry to send you snippets from backstage... @gazzalon
Created at : 05/25/11 2:43 PM

Status :Traffic lights, traffic lights, traffic lights, traffic lights, traffic lights, traffic lights, bit.ly/TomTomBF @TomTom #BreakFree
Created at : 05/25/11 1:49 PM

Status :This from Garry... On stage in Manchester... Love and celery to you all. http://t.co/ek2EEGS
Created at : 05/24/11 1:55 PM

Status :You darling Twits... I hope this works!! http://t.co/VyMtcwf I love you all (well most of you) @TomTom #BreakFree
Created at : 05/24/11 8:48 AM

Status :I have decided to release my inner dancer... Yes, I can dance... Well, sort of... Let me know what you think! @TomTom #BreakFree
Created at : 05/24/11 5:51 AM

Status :@KaseyLedger Hello Swindon....
Created at : 05/23/11 1:27 AM

Status :From Garry... Tune in to Chris Evans radio show, JC on great form, and Chris very perky...
Created at : 05/20/11 2:33 AM

Status :From Garry, JC on stage in Nottingham, with our lovely tour manager.... http://t.co/zEIXeEA
Created at : 05/13/11 1:06 PM

Status :From Garry, JC on stage a Nottingham... http://t.co/MJvNnmi
Created at : 05/12/11 2:13 PM

Status :Darling things, just leaving Birmingham... Great theatre and audiences. Am so happy I gave Garry an extra kick this morning.
Created at : 05/12/11 6:17 AM

Status :http://twitvid.com/JHHZB - Dearest Twittering Twats, here's a little ditty for you... Let me know if it works!
Created at : 05/09/11 12:16 PM

Status :http://twitvid.com/BY9PT RT @JohnCleese Dearest Twittering Twats, here's a little ditty for you...
Created at : 05/09/11 8:43 AM

Status :...maybe they mistook Garry for her. Anyway, you can cross out those errors in your copy of the paper...
Created at : 05/09/11 3:17 AM

Status :... two fictions to correct: I never mentioned AF's lawyers being on the prowl. And, my girlfriend wasn't in Cambridge...
Created at : 05/09/11 3:14 AM

Status :Ah, Monday morning, and time to correct badly researched press... If you happened to read Adam Helliker in Sunday Express....
Created at : 05/09/11 3:11 AM

Status :Sorry, I only ever use black biro....
Created at : 05/07/11 3:10 PM

Status :My little darlings, just wishing you a joyous St. Liudhard's day, and many more....
Created at : 05/07/11 1:28 PM

Status :Gazzalon twitting a photo from back stage in Cambridge... http://t.co/JglbG2A
Created at : 05/06/11 3:45 PM

Status :... the Yes, and the No people - the joy of free political discourse. Now go and bake a cake to calm your nerves...
Created at : 05/05/11 7:01 AM

Status :Darling Twitties, Thanks for kind words about my little showette, which is for all my lovely fans... and great to stir up...
Created at : 05/05/11 6:59 AM

Status :Don't forget your YES vote today!!!
Created at : 05/05/11 3:19 AM

Status :Here I am at Downing (it's a college, for those twitty twots who don't know)... http://t.co/QaLY2BD
Created at : 05/04/11 7:24 AM

Status :For the slower twatterers amongst you, here's where to find my tour dates... http://www.mcintyre-ents.com/ see you there!! or not...
Created at : 05/02/11 4:29 AM

Status :So, here I am in Cambridge, about to assault the UK with my one-man show... what a joy it will be for you all to see me in the flesh...
Created at : 05/02/11 4:21 AM

Status :Dearest, darlinglyist, twatyest, twotyest twitterers... I'm back, just in time to share my travels with you...
Created at : 04/30/11 8:15 AM

Status :Yes?
Created at : 01/19/11 8:24 AM

Status :In 2011, be extra nice to people who resemble small animals
Created at : 12/30/10 5:33 PM

Status :PS: Happy New Year!
Created at : 12/30/10 5:22 PM

Status :Dear @twitter I am about to change the email address on this splendidly verified account. Please re-verify me at your soonest convenience.
Created at : 12/30/10 5:22 PM

Status :http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J-uNQ2oQACk The Night Before Christmas
Created at : 12/24/10 5:49 PM

Status :Silent night, holy night http://catm.co.uk/
Created at : 12/17/10 6:03 PM

Status :Unusually seasonal British weather
Created at : 12/17/10 5:36 PM

Status :Here's a lovely photo Garry took of me in Norway. Captures my best side... http://plixi.com/p/62547253
Created at : 12/12/10 9:02 AM

Status :@kohn75 I did warn you... :) warmly surprised by the number of new signups
Created at : 11/30/10 3:18 PM

Status :@saerwen Rude not to
Created at : 11/30/10 2:07 PM

Status :Going to send emails to those of you who signed up in the last 24 hours - apols if anyone gets it twice! http://bit.ly/nigerianlottery
Created at : 11/30/10 11:40 AM